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I am currently working on two emerging leader programmes and an “Introduction to Leadership” workshop with a third group. In these sessions, we debated the traits of a good leader based on the managers’ own experiences of being led. Responses have varied from the laudable but ill-defined “a role model” to specific tangible skills - a good listener or good at communicating clearly. Invariably we end up with an incomplete list of traits these middle managers can aspire to. But the most essential skill for effective leadership in my view, is rarely on that list - self-awareness.
Self-awareness is the ability to both recognise and understand our thoughts, feelings, and behaviours. It includes understanding our strengths and weaknesses and how our behaviour impacts others. We need self-awareness in order to change - either to adapt to situations in the short term or to continuously develop our leadership skills and find our own leadership style in the long term. Self-awareness is, therefore, a key component of emotional intelligence, as individuals with high levels of it can better recognise and manage their own emotions, which helps them empathise and relate to others more effectively. It’s also a critical factor in personal growth and development. When combined with a growth mindset, self-awareness allows you to recognise areas where you may need to work harder or learn new skills and then approach these areas with a positive attitude and a willingness to learn.
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Why do I believe self-awareness is more important than other leadership skills? Because it's the foundation of them all. Take communication, for example. Communication is situational - the best way to communicate depends on who we are speaking to, the topic and the context. A good reading of the situation requires self-awareness to recognise emotions and thoughts arising in us, identify our natural response to the situation and determine whether it is helpful before acting or speaking.
What about critical thinking - an essential leadership skill according to the Brandon Hall Group? By considering their own emotions and biases, self-aware leaders can think critically and objectively and make better decisions as a result. This is especially important when their choices can significantly impact employees, the team and the organisation.
And what about that elusive “role model” quality? Self-aware leaders are more likely to be perceived as authentic, fair, trustworthy and credible by their employees. Recognising your limitations and being honest about your mistakes helps build trust and credibility with your team and other stakeholders.
Whereas some people are born with a more natural tendency to self-awareness (as with many other leadership skills), it is a skill that can be developed and honed rather than a fixed personality trait. You can build your self-awareness through the following:
Slowing down, noticing how you respond in certain situations and then reflecting on your thoughts and emotions. This will involve a certain amount of mindfulness, followed by a dedicated time of reflection. I also recommend writing your thoughts down so you can review them over a period of time and see what patterns emerge. It doesn’t need to be long. 10 minutes at the end of each day is enough.
Getting feedback from others. We all have our blindspots, and regularly asking for feedback (not just for the annual performance review!) will provide valuable insights into how others perceive you. Listen openly to their feedback, ensure you get specifics, and use it as an opportunity for growth.
Working with a leadership coach. A coach can help you make sense of your thoughts and reflections and ask questions to help you go deeper into understanding yourself. They can also help you with the “so what” - how this impacts your leadership style, in what situations you are most likely to shine and how you can adapt to be more effective in uncomfortable contexts.
This self-exploration can be discomfiting and bring up feelings of inadequacy or even shame. So be kind to yourself and don’t judge yourself harshly about what arises. A leadership coach can also help you to reframe negative feelings in a more positive light.
Whether you are embarking on a journey of self-awareness or wondering what your reflections mean for your brand of leadership, coaching with me can help you get clarity and help you become the best leader you can be. Get in touch with me to find out more.