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I have been reflecting on some recent coaching conversations where the subject of confidence has come up. For so many of us, confidence is a “holy grail” that we constantly seek - but what influences how confident we feel?
I believe there are six influences on confidence; three outer factors and three inner factors. Understanding how these are playing into a situation we are facing can help us develop tactics to make us feel more confident in any context.
The three outer influences are:
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The situation. Is this something you have come across before? It’s natural to feel less confident when we come across something new. If this impacts you, note any similarities between this situation and others you’ve encountered to help you know how to approach it. Or you can remind yourself of the multitude of other new situations you have experienced and still managed to perform well in.
The reactions of others. Are people reacting to you in a way that makes you feel more confident or less? Although you can influence others through your behaviours, actions and words, people will perceive you in many different ways depending on their own frame of reference, internal biases, what else is on their mind and even whether they managed to eat a good breakfast! When you are faced with a reaction that you feel is negative, undermining your confidence, don’t assume that it is a reflection of your knowledge, ability or skills. Get more information by asking someone to explain their comments or ask for their feedback if they respond negatively through body language.
The environment. Is this a positive or critical organisation or team? Organisations have different cultures, some being more critical than others. Note whether the reactions you receive are similar to others or talk to trusted peers whether their perception is the same. Ultimately, if the environment is a significant issue, you may need to move to a different team.
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The three inner influences are:
Your knowledge and experience. Do you know what you’re talking about, and how much does it actually matter? When I ask my clients where their confidence comes from, most say it is in their expertise. As lawyers, accountants and other professionals, they are paid to be experts and tend to over-rely on their knowledge. When there are questions that they can’t immediately answer, their confidence takes a big knock. If that resonates with you, consider what you really need to know in each situation. Most of the time, an honest “I don’t know the answer to that, but I will find out and let you know” (and then following through!) is absolutely acceptable. We don’t need to be perfect!
Your beliefs about yourself. How confident do you feel? Is your inner critic telling you you can’t do this? Our inner critic often voices our limiting beliefs, but we shouldn’t ignore them. Listen to the voice without judgement, note what it tells you, and move on. The limiting belief is just one opinion, not the truth. I’ve explored this further in previous blogs on overcoming your limiting beliefs and negative thinking.
Your influencing and communication skills. No matter how you feel inside, do you have the skills to communicate your message confidently? Confidence is reinforced when we come across as confident - even if that’s not in line with our feelings. You could call this “fake it until you make it”, but actually, it's about going out of your comfort zone, even when you don’t feel like it. Observe those around you with strong executive presence who you believe to be confident (not “over-confident” - these need to be people you would like to emulate). How do they speak? How do they stand? What precisely are they doing that makes you feel they are confident? If you know them well, you can ask them how they deliberately choose to present themselves. Then practice!
So six influences on confidence - which ones impact you most? I hope this article has given you some tips on becoming more confident.
If you want to improve your confidence even further, then get in touch to see how a coaching programme with me could help.