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I’ve had two coaching clients in recent weeks who have something in common - the need to let go of old behaviours and habits to advance in their careers. One is fully aware of this but still finds it hard to let go (and why wouldn’t he - he’s spent years honing these skills and behaviours to get where he is now). The other isn’t quite yet aware of it - or rather, I think he may be, but he doesn’t want to change. Our last session ended with him pondering what he was losing by not letting go of the old and whether it was worth the effort.
Most of my clients are going through some kind of transition at work. They may be in a promotion process, got a new role, or are preparing themselves for a career change, as they realise that their current job is fine, but there could be something so much better out there. Most of them have chosen this path, but a few have had it thrust upon them by redundancy or restructuring efforts. What they all have in common is finding it difficult to leave behind some of the associations of their old role.
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There is an excellent book by Marshal Goldsmith called “What Got You Here Won’t Get You There”. It’s full of insights and ideas to help you move forward in your career, but most of all, I just love the title, as it sums up precisely what I see many people struggle with. When you’re in a new role, you focus on taking on new tasks, adding more jobs to the to-do list, more stakeholders to influence and more meetings to attend. We rarely stop and think about what tasks we shouldn’t do and the behaviours we shouldn’t adopt anymore.
For one client, Mark, that involved getting out of the detail, focusing his conversations with the exec team to be about his function helped give them a competitive advantage when it wasn’t an income-generating unit. For another, it involves seeing how his leadership style wasn’t bringing his team along with him and was alienating his peers when the organisation had collaboration at the heart of its culture.
Why is letting go so hard? So often, our role and how we operate is a fundamental part of our identity. We have a personal brand, perhaps of being a “safe pair of hands” or a “great team leader”. When we hear it often enough, it becomes part of the story we tell ourselves about who we are, what we are good at and how we bring the most value. We don’t recognise this as just one role we can have at work, one we have played brilliantly so far - getting us to where we are now. However, to move forward, we must pick up a different role, rehearse, improvise and get better until it feels natural. It may not be our most comfortable role, at least to start with, but we can get better in time. If you want to explore this, this excellent TED talk by Hetain Patel explores identity and how it can be fluid.
So, if you are in a transitionary period at work at the moment, how can you move forward, embracing the new challenges and letting go of anything that won’t serve you going forward
Here are some questions for thought and reflection
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Often, endings are not clear cut; we may not have a new job title, or we have the title and promotion, but the work we are doing doesn’t change overnight. So what is it that is actually ending? What are you saying goodbye to?
What do you want to let go of that you don’t need moving forward? A particular habit, a task, an attitude, an identity?
Conversely, there will be many behaviours, beliefs and values that we want to hold onto as we move forward. What are these?
When everything changes around us, it can help to take hold of an “anchor” that remains constant and reliable, even when we feel a little lost at sea. What are your anchors? These could be outside work - friends, family members, hobbies, or things inside work - a particular group of colleagues, or rituals such as morning coffee from the same cafe.
When trying on new behaviours and roles, experimenting and improvising are key. We don’t always know how to be in a new position, so we must improvise. And because we are improvising and trying things out, these are experiments. We may fail, but we can learn, adapt and try again. Thinking of it this way may give you more freedom and confidence to embrace the new situation.
If you’re currently going through a transitionary period at work, a coaching programme with me could help. Get in touch for an initial chat to see how we can work together to untangle any conflicting thoughts so you can confidently move forward in your career.